Party Secrets
by Smrt333
Summary: Secrets are told during a late night party. Nothing is out of the realm of possibility. More details are inside.
1. Round 1

**The concept may not be original, but I thought up the questions. I hope they already haven't been answered this way.**

**Intro: The people from Zoids go to a late night party. At the party they get drunk beyond comprehension, but they can still talk without slurring. A mysterious individual starts picking some characters to ask them about their secrets or funny other stuff while they are in their drunken state. Without their logic, they will say anything. **

**They are rounded up into a small room, so everyone in the group can hear what is being said, even though they will not remember it. **

**I don't have rights to Zoids.**

**Round 1**

**Van, Fiona, Moonbay, and Irvine**

DarkMetalist: So Van how are you?

Van: This is one great party!

DarkMetalist: Right...How much do you like papayas?

Van: I hate the stuff.

Everyone else: You do!

Van: Yeah the only reason I like it was because my sister Maria forced me to.

DarkMetalist: Maria? How did this happen?

Van: Well she always made the best pies, but they were all papaya flavored. I would tell her I hate it, but she wouldn't make any other flavor because papayas were cheaper than any other fruit to buy. So I would just eat them cause I didn't have any other choice.

DarkMetalist: If you wanted to eat other fruits rather than papayas, why didn't you just eat the other fruits?

Van: Pies are better than plain fruit.

DarkMetalist: But still...

Van: They were pies. Everyone loves pie.

DarkMetalist: I agree, I love pie too. Well thank you Van, you can go back to the party now.

Van: PARTY! Where?

DarkMetalist: Out the door Van, just go.

Van: Oww

DarkMetalist: OPEN THE DOOR FIRST!

_sigh_

Okay Fiona, you're up next.

Fiona: Okay Van, ask whatever you want.

DarkMetalist: I'm not Van, I'm a mysterious individual who actually has a name you don't know.

Fiona: Whatever you say Van. But you are still Van to me Van.

DarkMetalist: _exasperated sigh_

Fiona, do you really put salt onto everything you eat?

Fiona: I'll tell you a secret. I'll try to whisper so no one else hears.

She tries to whisper but can't.

Fiona: It's actually sugar.

Moonbay and Irvine: SUGAR!

Fiona: Hey I whispered, how could you guys hear what I said?

Moonbay: That would explain why you are always so happy.

Irvine: Yeah, I've never seen anyone so happy all the time and sugar explains it all.

_gasp _

You're on a sugar high!

Fiona: You betcha I am.

She starts to run around the room, jumping all over the place, crying out "I'm queen of the world."

DarkMetalist: I think we just found out that sugar and alcohol DON'T mix.

Fiona runs into the wall and slides down.

DarkMetalist: Security! Take this girl back to the party. Take her back to a guy named Van; he should know what to do with her.

Moonbay: Bye! Bye Fiona!

_giggles_

DarkMetalist: Moonbay, you're up!

Moonbay: Whee, it's my turn!

DarkMetalist: _Why did I choose to do this while they were drunk?_

Alright Moonbay, do you really make up words to your "transporter" song?

Moonbay: No, of course not.

DarkMetalist: Could you explain?

Moonbay: I'm getting to that, wait a minute!

**One minute later**

DarkMetalist: Moonbay, hellooo?

Moonbay: What? Oh hello.

DarkMetalist: Will you explain why you don't make up the words to your "transporter" song?

Moonbay: I've been listening to the music since like forever. I've had plenty of time to make up words. By the time I make up the words they are already a part of the song.

DarkMetalist: I'm sure that is true. You can leave now.

Moonbay: _whines_

But I don't want to!

DarkMetalist: Fine wait until I finish with Irvine, then leave! So Irvine...

Irvine: What did you say about my mom!

Irvine pounces on the mysterious individual and starts pounding the daylight out of the guy.

DarkMetalist: Irvine stop! I didn't say anything about your mom!

Irvine: LIAR!

Irvine continues his onslaught for several more seconds. Then he gets tired and sits. The mysterious individual struggles to get up.

DarkMetalist: Al..right...Irvine. Are you ready for your question...now?

Irvine: Yeah, shoot.

DarkMetalist: Well, what else do you do with your eyepiece?

Irvine: I use it to spy on Van and Fiona

DarkMetalist: When they're doing what?

Irvine: When they are alone on some cliff staring at the stars.

DarkMetalist: Why?

Irvine: Duh, so I can see the stars too!

DarkMetalist: Yeah, sure.

Irvine: You say something about my mom again?

DarkMetalist: No! No! I believe you! A mercenary without the time to stop and look up at the stars. Always busy without anytime to relax.

Irvine: Mysterious person, you have three seconds to get out of this room.

DarkMetalist: BUT I WAS HERE FIRST!

Irvine: You picking on my sister now! You're getting it now!

The mysterious person pushes a secret button and falls out of the room.

Irvine: C'mon Moonbay, let's get back to the party.

Moonbay: "I am, a transporter, of the wasteland..."

The mysterious person climbs up a ladder back up into the room.

DarkMetalist: Thank goodness that's over.

**Please give reviews smiles and leaves**


	2. Round 2

**I know I promised to do Raven, and Hiltz, and Reese, but I had this mostly down first so...if you stick around for a few months (more likely a few weeks, after a change of heart on my part) I'll have something else.**

**I no own Zoids.**

**Round 2**

**Rudolph, Homelef, Prozan and Madame President**

DarkMetalist: Hey everyone! First up is Rudolph.

Rudolph: That's _Prince _Rudolph

DarkMetalist: Fine, _Prince _Rudolph. Wait a minute, aren't you a little underage to be drinking here?

Rudolph: No! I'm underage!

Homelef: Because he is the prince of Geigalos, he has special permissions.

DarkMetalist: I'll get back to you on those special permissions later, but right now I want to talk to Rudolph.

Rudolph: PRINCE!

DarkMetalist: _PRINCE RUDOLFH!_

Rudolph: Yeeeees?

DarkMetalist: So, how is it? Being the prince of an entire place, uhhh Geigalos.

Rudolph: Well, as you might imagine, it is quite boring. I have to sign this, go there, ground break this, have a meeting with that. It is not as great as it is cut out to be.

DarkMetalist: Riiiight, so Homelef, what other special permissions does Prince Rudolph.

Homelef: Well, as you can plainly see, underage laws do not apply to him. He does have to however have to follow the laws of royalty.

DarkMetalist: Like?

Homelef: He can't go out in public looking like this, cannot get blood of any type on his hands, even if he was to save a stricken soldier, and he must not cheat on his future wife...

DarkMetalist: _snore_

Homelef: I'm sorry am I boring you? You did want to know the rules of royalty.

DarkMetalist: Well, I changed my mind and decided not to tell you. Besides, let's hear more about you. First off, why aren't you drunk?

Homelef: I am to care for the prince under any and all conditions; I am the responsible one.

DarkMetalist: _sarcastically_

Oh, well doesn't that make you special. So why'd you choose to be the prince's right hand man?

Homelef: Well, the pay's great and whatever the prince doesn't want, I get.

DarkMetalist: Like...?

Homelef: The palace is served by many beautiful women and whoever doesn't make the cut to be a servant to the prince are...

DarkMetalist: are...?

Homelef: _clears throat_

Due to matters of...internal security, I cannot reveal that information.

DarkMetalist: I think I know what goes on afterwards.

Homelef: If you say anything I'll have you brought in on treason, you got that?

DarkMetalist: Yeah, sure.

_rolls eyes_

Homelef: I mean it.

_pulls out gun_

DarkMetalist: _panicky_

Alright next person, Prozan.

Prozan: Shoot

_shot is fired_

Prozan: I meant a question you idiot, not the gun!

Homelef: You did try to assassinate the young prince.

Prozan: True, but that situation doesn't apply now does it?

DarkMetalist: Prozan we all know you had some influence on Raven when he was growing up. What we want to know is have you ever considered Raven your son?

Prozan: Not entirely, though I did like his attitude. The way he pointed that gun at me in an act of such defiance, all I had to do was develop that emotion, so to say.

DarkMetalist: But still considering you trained Raven...

Prozan: Me training Raven is no different than me training any other soldier. They are people of war and people of war do not need love or compassion.

DarkMetalist: How sad. Can't wait to hear what Raven has to say about this.

Prozan: I'm confident he'll have the same thoughts as I do.

DarkMetalist: We'll see. Madame President!

Madame President: Oh my, yes?

DarkMetalist: Caught you off guard there?

Madame President: Yes, I was thinking about Rob.

DarkMetalist: Don't you worry, he will be here soon enough.

Madame President: That is nice to know.

DarkMetalist: Since we're on the subject of Col. Robert Herman, what's his most embarrassing moment?

Madame President: What you consider his most embarrassing moment is the time he was cutest.

DarkMetalist: Alright, so when was he "cutest"?

Madame President: Back when little Robert was just 5; he was already dressing up like a little soldier. His father had given him a child's version of military uniform, complete with pants, boots, shirt, and hat. Most of those articles of clothing did not interest little Robert, but he did like the boots and hat. So imagine our surprise when Robert stripped to his underwear and walked around in boots and wearing the hat.

_smiles_

He was very cute back then. My little soldier.

_Everyone in the room snickers_

Prozan: I am going to hold that over his head for a long time.

Madame President: I hope you don't because then'd have to hurt you.

Prozan: Oh really, what can the President of the Republic do to me?

Madame President: Being drunk can cause you to take unexplainable actions.

Prozan: Uh oh

Prozan tries to get out of the way, but Madame President had jumped him. Being a high ranking official, she knew how to defend herself so it was a bad idea to be on the receiving side of that self-defense. Everyone stared with great intent as Prozan was getting beat up by an older woman.

Madame President: Who are you calling old?

She tries next to jump the DarkMetalist, but he mysteriously is "transported" out of the room. Once everyone had agreed he wasn't coming back, they returned to the party.

_transporter effect_

DarkMetalist: I can never get out of here without a threat against my well being.

**You know, it's been nearly 0.5 yrs and this is what I had to write..sad isn't it?**

**DarkMetalist: Yes, it is.**

**Be quiet. Please review and flames are expected though it would be nice for a nice review, decent one will do too. **

**_puts up blast shield_**


	3. Round 3

**DarkMetalist: It has been nearly three years, give or take a few months, since this story was updated.**

**I know…I have been bad.**

**DarkMetalist: I don't think anyone's drunk anymore. In fact, they look pretty bored.**

_**Drops a keg and an updated music library.**_

**DarkMetalist: Alright, now it's a party…again!**

**Still the same procedure, in three years I did not forget. I don't have the rights to or own Zoids.**

**Round 3**

**Raven, Hiltz, Reese, Col. Herman, and Capt. O'Connell**

DarkMetalist: Welcome all to this secret room of mine.

Raven: What's so secret about it? It's a broom closet.

DarkMetalist: Aren't you supposed to be inebriated?

Raven: No, why would I bother to engage in this social gathering that is entirely beneath me?

Reese: Then why are you here silly?

Raven: Because you dragged me into this!

Reese: Oh…hiccup sorry.

_Reese's hiccup causes a broom to fall on Raven's head_

Raven: Grrrr

DarkMetalist: Since you don't want to be here any longer than you have been…let's get to questioning you immediately.

Raven: Whatever

DarkMetalist: So, you could have been one of the good guys, but Prozan brought you up as a fighter…do you have any regrets?

Raven: I have nothing to regret

.DarkMetalist: In that case, do you regret losing your parents?

_Raven's eyes tear up and he prepares to depart._

DarkMetalist: So you do regret that much?

Raven: Don't be stupid, I need to go wash the dust out of my eyes thanks to that broom in this sorry excuse you call a secret room!

_He storms out of the room slamming the door behind him. Various cleaning objects fall on the remaining characters' heads._

DarkMetalist: Harsh much.

Hiltz: I don't know about you, but I think Raven cared about his parents.

DarkMetalist: Thank you Mr. So-obviously-drunk-that-you-think-everyone-can't-catch-a-hint.

Hiltz: My name is Hiltz.

DarkMetalist: rolls eyes Anyway, would you consider you lust for power a bad thing?

Hiltz: Hmm, having the power to control all of Zi…I don't think it's very bad at all.

DarkMetalist: Like you wouldn't know how difficult it is to rule an entire world.

Hiltz: It's simple…everyone will bow down to me! Stands up And I will rule the world! Strikes a dramatic pose, then falls over

DarkMetalist: Looks like you're bowing down to a great hangover, so much for ultimate rule. Janitor!

_Janitor uses broom to sweep Hiltz along the ground out of the room._

Reese: Hehe, he's so drunk.

DarkMetalist: Speak for yourself young lady.

Reese: I am quite cape-able to speaks for me-self.

DarkMetalist: Then before we get lost in your infinite wisdom of words, please teach me something else.

Reese: 'Kay, what do ya want to know my tall, dark and handsome man?

DarkMetalist: Flattering. Will you teach me how to hypnotize people?

Reese: No way, you could make people do things that they don't really want to do with dire consequences.

DarkMetalist: Like I haven't done this already.

Reese: What did you say honey?

DarkMetalist: Nothing, so tell me about Nicolo.

_Reese falls into a wide-eyed trance._

Reese: dazed Nicolo?

DarkMetalist: Well that was easy…. moving on to the good guys.

Col.Herman: You know those people looked familiar, sorta like some people we should have taken into custardy.

Capt. O'Connell: I think so, but I can't put my finger on it. Puts finger to forehead

DarkMetalist: 'Kay dokey, how are you two today?

Col. Herman: Fine

Capt. O'Connell: Well

DarkMetalist: Impressed to see that even in a drunken state, people can use proper grammar.

Both: Tanks

DarkMetalist: And sometimes slurred speech slips in…Col. Herman, what interesting facts or embarrassing secrets can we learn about you?

Col. Herman: I dunno, I think I've been well behaved and all my actions have been honorable.

DarkMetalist: Oh really, because I have a tape that would say something to the contrary.

Col. Herman: Huh?

DarkMetalist: Let's take a listen.

"_Rob, this is the president. Did you change your underwear? It's been weeks since..."_

Col. Herman runs up to stop the tape and falls on the stop switch

Col. Herman: Where did ya get this tape?

DarkMetalist: I have my connections. What do you have to say now?

Col. Herman: Alright, if you have to know….I haven't changed my underwear in two weeks.

Capt. O'Connell: Gross

Col. Herman: Well, it's better than your solution of going commando.

Capt. O'Connell: Well it gets hot in the desert, and water rations are tight.

DarkMetalist: Weird as that is, he has a point.

Col. Herman: Ugh, this can't get any worse.

_President pops into the room._

Madam President: I knew it. Robert Herman, you are in so much trouble!

Col. Herman: Aw, mom!

Madame President: Let's go, say goodbye to your friends. We're going home.

Col. Herman: Man, bye guys.

Capt. O'Connell: See you on the base sir!

DarkMetalist: Bye snickers

Madame President: Don't make me get on the phone with your mother.

DarkMetalist: No, I'm sorry. Bye Colonel, thanks for participating.

_The president and Col. Herman walk out of the room._

DarkMetalist: Let's finish up with you Capt. O'Connell. Other than the little thing you do in the desert, I don't have much else on you.

Capt. O'Connell: Really?

DarkMetalist: Yep, I have you down as the colonel's right hand man, a skilled pilot and a brilliant tactician.

Capt. O'Connell: Well…thinks…did you know that my hair's not really aqua?

DarkMetalist: What?

O'Connell: It's dyed

DarkMetalist: Incredible; well thanks for your time.

Capt. O'Connell: It was fun…tanks.

DarkMetalist: It was my pleasure.

Capt. O'Connell: No…tanks.

DarkMetalist: No problem, really.

Capt. O'Connell: TANKS! points out the window

DarkMetalist: Holy Frijoles! Grab the girl and get out!

Capt. O'Connell: The girl?

DarkMetalist: Reese! She's still in a trance.

Capt. O'Connell: Right. grabs girl and runs out of building

_DarkMetalist gets on the intercom to warn people of the tank, but in their drunken state, they think the words are lyrics to an awesome three year later hit song. He is forced to teleport everyone out to an empty lot. DarkMetalist can see someone yelling from the top of the tank._

DarkMetalist's mom: I told you no more drunken three year parties!

_She rams through the building, effectively destroying the structure._

DarkMetalist: Aw, nuts.

**Ha, to think this plot-less ramble wouldn't have ended the way it did without the hiatus.**

**DarkMetalist: You didn't have to destroy my clubhouse.**

**That wasn't me…it was your mom.**

**Reviews if applicable, otherwise it has been a blast writing this piece of literature.**

**Side note: The last thanks/tanks could be credited to Rescue Rovers, a cartoon of back in the day.**


End file.
